Thoughts from the Jolly Green Giant

I'm going to channel Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf for a second here, in one of my favorite LDS General Conference Talks, and start with this...

You may be thinking...what do height and marital status have to do with one another???

Well, let me tell you.

I am a 6'1" woman.  I have always been tall.  I remember as a kid, going to the doctor because my parents were concerned that there may be something wrong that was causing me to grow so tall at such a young age.  When you are a military dependent (my dad was career Army), and you turn 10 years old, you get your own ID card.  I believe, if memory serves me correctly, that I was about 5'8" when I got my first ID card.  By 5th grade, I was taller than all of the kids and teachers in my school (grades K-6) except for Joey Wall.  He was in 6th grade and he was already 6' tall (it was kind of funny because he was the student counsel president and I was the student counsel vice president).  

Believe me, I have heard all the jokes, been called the Jolly Green Giant and asked, repeatedly, "How's the weather up there?"  For the record, the best response to this last one I, sadly, never used, but always secretly wanted to.  I heard it said that when someone asks you, "Hey, how's the weather up there?" you should respond with "It's RAINING!" and then spit on them!  LOL. 

I have been approached by complete strangers in grocery stores who have asked me, in awed tones, just "How tall ARE you?" like I'm some freak escaped from the circus.  I have walked into rooms before and stopped conversations cold as people just stare and whisper.  Seriously, people.  This has been my life.  

I have struggled to find shoes my size, pants long enough, jackets with sleeves that go past my forearms, skirts that don't show my jiggly thighs, shirts that cover my love handles, etc.  I have had to cram myself into cars that were NOT designed for tall people, into stadium seats where my knees were constantly jamming into the back of the head of the person sitting in front of me, into airplane aisles that made me feel like a sardine.  I have lost feeling in my feet and legs and rear end because I was cramped into spaces where I couldn't move enough to get adequate blood flow to my precious limbs.

My life may seem strange to you.  Sad.  Hard.  Frustrating.  Annoying.  Some of you may even feel sorry for the things I've had to deal with.

But folks, this is the only life I have every known.

Being tall is part of who I am.  I have never known anything different.  So, frankly, being tall is only weird to all you short people out there.  To me, it's not sad; it's not a defect.  To be Anela is to be tall.  There is no other way.

I feel the same way about being single.

I have been single my whole life and it has shaped who I am today.  I have dated a few different people, but have always, in essence, been single.  Now, duh, I get that being single is a situation in my life that could change at some point, as opposed to being tall, which isn't going to change (barring any crazy freak accidents).  But I choose to look at them both as parts of my life that have shaped the person I am today, parts of myself that I have had to learn to deal with, accept, and finally, love.

In my experience, there are a lot of people out there, both married and single, who seem to see being single as some kind of deficit or lack in life.  Honestly, I don't really see it that way.  Would I like to find a nice, tall Mormon man to marry and have a family with?  Sure.  That would be wonderful.  Ideal.  The fulfillment of some of the very deepest hopes and desires of my heart.

However, not having gotten to that point in my life in no way makes me less important to God, less deserving of His blessings, less able to be an active and happy member of His church, less able to learn and grow as a daughter of God and a productive member of society.

In fact, being single is GREAT!   Being single means I have complete control of my finances--I don't answer to anyone about how or when or what I spend my money on.  I make my own decisions about how to run my life, and don't have to worry about how someone else's choices are going to significantly impact me.  I schedule my time with the things that I want to do.  My house is clean; things are organized the way that I want them to be.  I don't have kids so guess what--if I want to sleep in on the weekend, I CAN!  I can blast my music super loud and listen to songs that have occasional swear words or innuendos.  I can watch MY television shows anytime I want to without having to wait until the kids are in bed or this episode of "Dora" is over.  I can work late and pick up take-out on the way home.  I can spend time with my nieces and nephews, and then, when I am tired and need a nap I can DROP THEM OFF AND GO HOME!!!

What's not to love?!?!

I have a wonderful life.  Being single has forced me to find a profession and career that I love and that brings me a great deal of fulfillment (I am a teacher).  I have learned to manage finances, make decisions on my own, trust my judgement, travel--sometimes with friends and other times by myself.  I have taken up new hobbies, tried hard things, pushed myself to reach goals, and celebrated as I have endured both triumphs and failures on this bumpy road of life.

Along those same lines, being tall has made me who I am today.  I can store things on top of the fridge and in ALL of my cabinets--even the very highest ones.  I can get stuff off all the shelves at the store without having to ask someone for help.  I can easily find people in a crowd (bird's eye view--lol).  I have very little fear of someone trying to fight me, or physically force me to do something I don't want to.  I can command the attention of any room I walk into.

There are many different experiences in life that have made me who I am today, and they have come because I am single, because I am tall.  I don't consider these things "burdens I have to bear" or "challenges that I have to endure."  Don't pity me.  I certainly don't pity myself.  My "singleness" and "tallness" are just two of the millions of different things, situations, characteristics, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, ideals, experiences, that make me uniquely Anela.

Just watch out.  Because next time I hear one of you shorties out there say "How's the weather up there?" I may just decide it's raining...

:-)

By way of introduction

Sometimes, when you can't keep up with the first blog that you started, because you're kind of a flake about stuff like that, you find yourself thinking..."what I really need to do is start ANOTHER blog!"


Well, that is, if you're me.


So, who am I?

My name is Anela. I'm 6'1" and 33 years old. I love to read, cook, travel, and run, to name just a few. I am a teacher, which gives me the stability of having an income to support myself on and the freedom of lots of time off to see my family, friends, and the world in general. I am at times funny, emotional, sad, witty, irrational, spiritual, passionate, snobbish, tenderhearted, generous, silly, lonely, logical, humorous and flawed. I make amazing guacamole, cookies, and bread, for starters. I am educated, with both a BA and an MA in Linguistics, and a teaching license for grades K-6. I find incredible serenity in water, and love being at the beach or out on a boat in the ocean deep-sea fishing.  I laugh, often and sometimes raucously, usually at myself but sometimes at others. Learning is my passion. I love to read, especially kids' and young adult books because they have good stories without all the sex and other trash that are so prevalent in adult literature. I eat too much ice cream. I cry when I see animal cruelty. I am a neat freak. I play the piano in reality, and the guitar mostly in my imaginary world (meaning I have about 6 songs in my repertoire). I have a healthy sense of humor and joke around a lot.  I love strategy games, even when I lose. I'm okay with not winning, but I always try to beat my own personal records. I adore my nieces and nephews and sacrifice all kinds of money, time and sleep to be able to play with them (I am the reigning Favorite Aunt).


I could go on, and on, and ON about all the things that make me Anela, but, instead, I will try to actually get to my point now.


Which is...


I am...


wait for it...


STILL SINGLE.




As in...NOT MARRIED. Solo. Alone. Sans husband. Just me.


Now, I realize that to many people, being single at the age of 33 is no big deal. But I am single AND Mormon. Seriously, in Mormon years, I'm like ancient. Old and decrepit. One foot in the grave. Might as well give up all hope now...


You get the idea.


Anyhow, I've recently been reading some blogs about Mormons who are actively living our Church's standards, but who struggle with Same Sex Attraction (in other words, they are gay).  Please don't misunderstand.  That is not my struggle.  But as I was reading, I was touched by their words and especially by their pleas for love, compassion, understanding and support as they live their "atypical" Mormon lives--not fitting into the stereotypical "Mormon Cookie-Cutter Mold" that is often associated with those of our faith.  As I read their words it came to my mind that I, too, lead an "atypical" Mormon life.  I too, find myself not fitting into the mold, especially since I am single and attending a family ward.  I have struggled over the years to find and accept my place as a single woman in a church that strongly values families and children. Sometimes, I feel like I have figured a few things out and I feel a sense of peace and calm assurity about my place in life.  At other times, I am angry, frustrated, and confused by things that don't seem rational or fair.  By no means have I got it all figured out.  I am just a single woman, trying to navigate my way through life and find the path that is right for me, to find purpose and meaning and joy in my life.  


Now, just to be clear--I am in no way equating my struggles with being single in the Church to the struggles of same-sex attraction.  I have realized, however, while reading those blogs, that these days, a LOT of us don't fit into the TYPICAL MOLD anymore.  There are many out there struggling to find their place in the Church for any number of different reasons and personal circumstances.  To any who may be reading this who are having those feelings of disconnect with the Church or church members, for whatever reason--you are NOT ALONE.  


Each of us has struggles and heartaches that we face.  Some people face their trials and challenges in ways that are very public and easy to see.  For others, it may be that their trials comes at the quiet moments of solitude, that their desperations and agonizing turmoil are only felt within, that their tears fall silently and unnoticed by others in the dark, solitary silence of 3am insomnia.  


To those who, like myself, most often face the "inward" kind of trials and challenges, the kind you can't see or taste, smell or hear, please know this:  You are NEVER ALONE.  There is a Father in Heaven who is there in the moments of solitude, who understands the silent agony you feel, who counts your tears, who knows your secret hopes and desires, and HE LOVES YOU, even if you don't fit the TYPICAL MOLD of the majority of His Church members.  


Too often, I feel that people focus on the ways that we, as Church members, are different.  They find reason to criticize others within the Church for being "different," or to criticize themselves for being different from the stereotypical norm.  They get angry, lash out and ridicule those around them to make their own circumstances feel less foreign and atypical.  


That is not my policy.


I choose, instead, to focus on things that I have in common with other members of the Church.  When it comes to members of my faith, I start with just that--our faith.  I can walk into any LDS (Mormon) Church building in the world, and regardless of differences in race, age, gender, education level, language, socioeconomic status, hobbies, bank account balances, favorite sports' teams, skin color, eye color, hair color, shoe size, political leaning, or favorite ice cream flavor, I can find a room full of people who love Heavenly Father and the Savior, Jesus Christ, and believe that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is God's church here on the earth.  


That is what I choose to focus on.


This blog comes as a surprise to me.  I have never aspired to be a blogger.  I barely read other people's blogs (no offense, people).  For years I was content to go along my merry way, blissfully blog-free.  And then, 2 1/2 years ago, I felt the inspiration to start blogging about my struggles to try and get in shape.  I haven't posted a ton.  But I have put into writing the very real struggles that I have faced, daily, weekly, monthly, throughout my life.  And, to be honest, if I have helped even ONE person with my words, my very honest, blunt, hopefully humorous words, then I consider that blog a win.


I feel the same way about this one.  I had no intention of starting another blog.  Heck, I have enough trouble trying to remember to post on the other one!  But, I have felt inspired that perhaps my honesty, my willingness to share what I have faced and still struggle with, my ability to laugh at myself, make things into a joke, my thick skin and willingness to share humiliations and embarrassments, weaknesses, incredible wit (haha), epiphanies, funny dating stories, personal faux paux, and most importantly, my deep love for my Savior will in some way be a help to at least one other person out there.


Have no fear.  I am not a she-woman-man-hater.  I have no intention to bash on guys, but I  will share some of my personal dating stories (not to fret, the names will be changed to protect the guilty--lol) just so you can understand more of where I am coming from.


I am 33 years old.


I am Mormon.  


I am HAPPY!

And, I am, Seriously...STILL Single!